But if you are need, don’t hesitate to send me an email and I can quickly put you in touch with the teachers/students I will be leaving behind. I hope you all have as much fun as I did. And that when you finally depart, you’re spoiled as much as I was with breakfasts and chocolate cakes.

But that’s why most people become English teachers abroad. The desire to travel, and plant roots somewhere different.It’s something that any native English speaker can do. Almost. I’m getting closer to my point – the big blunder. The truth of the matter is that the TEFL industry isn’t a world full of regulations, standards or qualifications. There are some recognised courses and certificates, but the most rigorous of those are one month intensive teacher training courses. If you don’t have one? No problem, you’ll still find work. I did take a course, by the by. But  how many other educational jobs for teachers from the developed world can be walked into with such ease?

Because the fact is, if you are a native English speaker, you can be a TEFL teacher. Some of those who’ve made a real career from real qualifications might disagree with me. They might say that not everyone can be an English teacher. But they’re wrong. What they mean to say is that not everybody can be a good English teacher. I remember my first class, back in 2005. How to judge myself?

By the standards of the professional teacher, I wasn’t ‘brilliant’. I didn’t know a relative clause from my elbow. The subjunctive was something that needed the attention of a doctor. But I’m a quick learner, and I’ve worked in industries where I have been required to coach people for most of my working life. I knew if a sentence was wrong or not, and could rapidly work out why, and share the information in an easy to digest manner. And over the years, I’ve developed a very thorough understanding of grammar, vocabulary and context. So I might not have been brilliant from day one, but I was learning the ropes in the same way 95% of TEFL teachers learn the ropes. I survived. So, for the most part, did my students.

A couple of years ago I received an email from someone I know from the digital world. Could he be an English teacher? What steps should he take to make it in Mexico City? I get asked the question a lot. Few ever actually make the jump. My response had become automated. Sure you can. Take a course with this teacher-training company. Get a few jobs, and away you go. That was my big blunder. I knew the chap only from his posting on the internet. Had I thought he might really, actually, whole heartedly go for the jump, then maybe I’d have given him alternative advice.

Perhaps I’d have suggested that his inability to write a coherent, grammatically correct sentence with half decent spelling might hold him back. Might make life difficult for him. There might be better career paths for him to take. I didn’t. I blundered. The truth might hurt, but the enormous amount of time and money that was subsequently wasted hurt more, I’m sure. Prospective TEFL teachers do need to be honest with themselves. You’ve don’t need to be the next Shakespeare. You might not even really understand what ‘grammar’ actually means. But you should at the very least have a decent grasp of the language. At the very least.

The chap failed his course. Miserably. Despite an extension and extra tuition. He did, however, find some classes anyway. Proving my point – anyone can become a TEFL teacher. But it was all too much hard work, and he soon returned from whence he came. Proving that while anyone can become an English teacher, not everyone should become an English teacher.

But this section does deal with something of a lost art. Letter writing was long ago replaced by email. When did you last pen or type a letter that was delivered in physical form, rather than by the organisation of bits and bytes on a computer screen? For me, it was in January 2005 – a letter of complaint to National Express coaches in the UK. There is something far more formal about letter writing in comparison to drafting up an email. So how has the format and formality of letter writing changed? I came across a very interesting article today on the BBC website about this very topic…

It’s time we ditched “Dear…” from work e-mails, according to a US political figure, who says it’s too intimate. So what is the most appropriate way to greet someone in an e-mail – hi, hey or just get straight to the point?…..

….”‘Dear…’ is a bit too intimate and connotes a personal relationship,” Ms Barry told the paper. And as she strives to maintain what she calls “the utmost and highest level of professionalism”, she sees no need for old-fashioned graces….

…”I’m fed up with people writing ‘Hi Jean’ when they’ve never met me,” says etiquette guru Jean Broke-Smith. ”If you’re sending a business e-mail you should begin ‘Dear…’ – like a letter. You are presenting yourself. Politeness and etiquette are essential….

…But if introductions are a dilemma, sign-offs are a social networking minefield. ”Yours faithfully” can’t be trusted. “Sincerely” feels insincere. And your “kindest regards” sound like anything but.

Where once there was correct protocol and certainty about how to address someone when writing a letter, there is now a minefield. It’s all too easy to give the wrong impression. So how to teach this tricky subject? I take a fairly simple approach. On many occasions, my students will be writing to people they have corresponded with before. They are often people who work for the same company in different countries. What format are they using? Play it safe and copy them.

What if they are writing to someone for the first time? If it is someone of their level within the company, and there is a format that is in general use within the company, then use that. This might be “Hello Juanita”. On the other hand, if the recipient is somebody senior, or an person not working within the company I always suggest using “Dear…”. It is possible that it might be viewed as being ‘too formal’ or even ‘overly polite’. I can’t see that ever upsetting someone though. And it’s far better than being perceived as being ‘too chummy’ or ‘overly familiar’.

Or there wasn’t, until now. The video below describes a new iPhone app that translates what it sees in real time. Pure genius. So ingenious indeed, that were today April 1st, I think I’d have assumed it’s a joke. But apparently it’s the real deal. Of course, it only translates what it sees. But how long before iPhones translate what they hear, and Star Trek movies are transferred from the science fiction shelf to the non-fiction shelf? And that, of course, will spell the end of the TEFL teacher!

Of course, this is no substitute for learning a language, and if you happen to be coming to Mexico City and wanting to pick up some Spanish, then this blog post by the Go Mexico Guide has all the info you need to get yourself enrolled in a class.

I would love to know what the punishment is for a mentally unbalanced ragamuffin who’s a little the worse for wear, smelling strongly of effluviam and smoking in the wrong spot with a dangerous amount of bomb making equipment in his pockets.

Or perhaps I’m in a humble, post empire mood, in which case I’ll tell them that British English is now the junior partner in this global language of ours. I might even go further with the junior partner argument. But no, I’m simply not qualified, nor was my education expensive enough, to be able to argue with a man of such high post as the Prime Minister of the UK.

If I’m not being daft, I’ll simply tell them that the Americans have made some obvious improvements to the spelling of the language, such as removing the random ‘u’ in many words. Humor, not humour. I may suggest that American English is the older variety of the two. And that American accents are generally milder than the many British variants. Some of which are so coarse and unintelligible as to leave the impression you’ve just been conversing with a drunk caveman.

The common use vocabulary is essentially the same, with just the occasional word tripping us up. Brits were mystified when Ronald Reagan described Libya’s Colonol Gaddafi as flakey. Did we hear right? The US just bombed Libya because their leader has some sort of skin ailment? Us Brits need to be even more careful when over the other side of the pond. Declaring that you wouldn’t mind a fag would raise a few eyebrows. In certain parts of the bible belt, it might cause a raised shotgun and request to leave the premises.

But really these are all minor differences, of the sort which exist not only between the two nations, but within the borders of each country. The real difference? I’m inclined to believe that British English is so much more fun. This may, of course, simply be my British bias, and because I’ve been exposed to British English just that little bit more. But British slang seems so much more random, mystifying and varied. Cockney Rhyming slang has no equal. British slang also tends to have a little more wit to it. Of course, this is all entirely subjective opinion. The septic tanks may beg to differ. Wankers…

There’s more subjective opinion on this weeks Americana podcast by the BBC, which is always a good show, and will explain my expletive at the end of the previous paragraph. It’s too good a word to let pass by without use. You can use on friends in jest, or non friends to offend. You should probably assume that I’m using it in the former.  This weeks episode, Big Cities and Small Towns features just a little bit of slang based audio journalism at the end, which I’ve posted below.